Sunday, April 7, 2013

Struggle not lost (Part II)

(Part I is here.)

As a dancer and performer, that is not the only thing you do. And especially as a daughter of the director of the dance school, you are definitely not only dancing. You go to the printers, get invites, gather costumes, get them pressed, go give invites, practice, attend college, coordinate with the other dancers, remember your moves, drive guests around, take care of tiffins for the working members of the house (daddy and brother)...!  It seems nightmarish but it was the best time we had! It was awesome on-the-job training. It also looked like by now I had secretly given in. Besides, I had a 'career' teaching English and training people for IELTS and TOEFL.

When mum was writing the thesis for her doctorate, we all chipped in. My brother too, who was at that time fastest at the keyboard and the most neutral person in the house given the situation, was at times found typing while mum dictated. At Daddy's turn, there'd be such arguments about sentence framing and structure, we'd have to guess who was getting the degree at the end of this circus. Daddy liked to joke that we all got degrees when mum got her PhD in Aesthetics of Dance from Mumbai University in 2003.

I possibly couldn't have known that when I would move to Bangalore after I got married, I'll miss this very thing I grew up rebelling against. I joined an institute, but by now I was running a house, working in a new city and caught up with living life. I flew to Ahmedabad when I could to be a part of Rasadhwani's performances. I would have a week to practice ..and I'd always feel miserable on stage and would be embarrassed by the end of it because I'd never be in form! Who would!?! When we moved to the US for a year in 2009, I joined a very famous dance school in Atlanta as a student...just to be able to stay in touch. More than a couple of times after we moved back to Bangalore, I have flown to Ahmedabad to be a part of workshops and ballets.

That brings us to the present day in Marseille. I don't know why I perform. And most of all, why do I perform solo? I never practice to be able to do well! I was on stage for five minutes yesterday and it felt like eternity. And when I saw the video, I was like...'Is that what I did?!?'

Why always abroad? Publicity for the institute? To leave behind an impression? To pass time? God knows I have plenty of other things to do to pass time. Is there more appreciation and less criticism? At both my solos so far, there were hardly any Indians. Is that why I jump at the opportunity to perform abroad? We'll never know. And we'll leave it at that!

(Part I is here.)

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